Babies Babies, everywhere!

I know I JUST had a baby 7 months ago, and it was my FOURTH, but I just can not get over the thoughts of this being it for me.

I am completely crazy, I know. But it is a 2 sided coin.

I always thought that 4 was my number. I thought that after I had L that I would feel like my heart was full and my life would feel complete, but it hasn't quite worked out like that.

I knew that it would be hard for me because I am a wacko that truly loves the newborn stage. I love the bitty babies that want for nothing more that to be held and don't need much else. I seem to forget that the don't really have any thoughts about sleeping more that 2 hours, and they only see me as a food machine. Funny how nature does that to you!

I see baby bumps and I miss that being me! Then I look down at the enormous flab that is my belly now and I think to myself, Gee, I could still pass for PG!

I think that I truly miss the anticipation. Waiting to test, waiting for the ultrasound, and waiting to deliver and meet the little one. What I seem to forget is the hassle of charting and hitting the right days, the sticks that turn up negative, and the 3 early ultrasounds. Don't get me wrong, I loved getting an early glimpse of the beans, but after the 2 or 3rd time of people being up in your business, it gets old! I also seem to forget the months of contractions that were nothing. I forget all the aches and pains of recovery. All I seem to remember is the moment that the baby is out and they set him on my belly and all the emotions that go along with it.

I thought that I would get a head start on getting over the baby fever. I thought that if I got rid of all the baby stuff, I wouldn't catch it. I have been giving it and selling it, and now I am finding a few things that I am having a hard time parting with, so they sit collecting dust in my closet. I get the sadz every time I pack another size of clothes away, whether it be girls stuff from K or boys stuff from L. I know (or at least I choose to believe) that it all is going to someone who really wants it, and honestly, I couldn't care less if it is used or not. It is the fact that it will probably not be worn by one of MY babies, and that makes me really sad.

All the reasons that I think that i am finished are really truly valid reasons that are still making me think that we are finished, but the fact is that I still have 10 good baby making years, if I decide that maybe i am not finished.

Yes, it is official, I am headed to the loony bin!